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Rabbi Chaya Gusfield

Rabbi Chaya Gusfield, Jewish Renewal, rabbi, spiritual director, chaplain

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July 27, 2020
Filed Under: Grief Writings, Healing, Prayer, Writings on Suicide
2 Comments

You’ve Had Days Like This

 

You’ve had days like this, days you thought you just might not survive without 3 naps or a piece of chocolate cake with ice cream, and then more ice cream.

Days where when you woke up you wondered where you were and when you found out, you wished you had the superpower of time travel, or space travel.  You just couldn’t bear it.

You’ve had days like this where the sun shone exactly how you needed it, not too much for you or your seedlings or your tomatoes, and not so little you had a chill.

You’ve had days like this where you walked up that hill and back and barely noticed how hard it was. Like a gazelle. Yes, you are a gazelle.

You’ve had days like this where every message on your phone or email was a reminder that we will all die and that some die sooner than others.

Some suffer so much they go back to bed, forever, leaving such a hole, such a hole in the hearts of their families. In the world.

You’ve had days like this where food tastes like what you imagine heaven would taste like and your garden smells like the Garden of Eden. And your neighbors, your annoying neighbors, feel like family and your car is your best friend.

You’ve had days like this, where the water comes out of the kitchen sink faucet and it is your complete prayer for the day, or is it praise? You’ve had days where you can’t decipher the difference between praise and prayer.

You’ve had days like this where prayer is just words and praise feels like someone else’s.

You’ve had days like this where the quiet is heart breaking and deliciousness in the same moment. Where a sigh is a sigh, and then it becomes song.

Where the floor under your feet hug you, support you, not letting you fall.

You’ve had days like this where the protests inspire, stretch and awaken.

You’ve had days where the fear is so big it’s hard to even talk about or people will think you are paranoid.  Maybe you are.

You’ve had days like this, where you think you are done, you’ve completed the work, and then you keep going.

You think you are done, there is nothing else, no new offerings, no new deployments. Nothing. And you wake up and you know where you are, and you get up and take a shower.

You eat a nectarine

A sweet nectarine

You’ve had days like this.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Julie Nesnansky says

    July 28, 2020 at 11:04 am

    OXOXOXOXO

    Reply
  2. Diana says

    July 29, 2020 at 8:54 pm

    Wow! I really like this piece.

    I am going to borrow your prompt
    “You’ve had days like this ….”

    Thank you!!
    Diana

    Reply

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