The tears came quite unexpectantly
Between us, between the pain, across decades of life
On an empty BART train on the last day of the year.
“Will you please ask the voices inside my head to stop talking to me, it’s very upsetting” he said.
“Of course” I said, and I did.
I pleaded that they leave him be, this young man
who was being tortured by voices.
And yet, they began again. He yelled at them to give him peace. He screamed and screamed and then was filled with regret for disturbing.
“I am so sorry, it is so uncomfortable!” he said.
“I know. It is ok….” I said. I didn’t want to feed the voices.
My heart joined his and I looked deeply into his scared eyes, not knowing what would come out of my mouth, out of my heart.
“You are going to be ok. You will.” I said. I really didn’t know how he would be ok, or why I would say that, but my soul was drawn to comfort, to reassure, to soften the voices.
He blessed me for showing up. We smiled. I cried at what a brave man he was, encountering the voices alone. For those few minutes, I joined him. I cried for all those I have known living with voices who try to cause harm. And often succeed.
Blessings to this sweet man on his journey. With every smile and kindness he encounters, may the voices slowly grow fainter and fainter.
I wish it was that easy.
Julie Nesnansky says
What an amazingly powerful experience you had! You are such a blessing; that man was very lucky to have you by his side in those scary moments. You didn’t shy away from a potentially frightening experience, but instead, you channeled holy spirit and let it move through you to help this suffering soul.
That is love in action. Thank you for being there for him. Sometimes I can show up like that, and sometimes I close down in fear. You paid attention to the moment and stayed so present. I imagine it really mattered to him, and I hope it made a difference for him. I know just hearing about it mattered to me. And yes I wish it was that easy.