December 1, 2013
Filed Under: Grief Writings, Kaddish Musings
1 Comment

The Laminated Card

I could feel the laminated kaddish card in my pocket all day. During the hike, the lake, the waterfalls, the ocean view, I counted how many were with us. Oh yes, only seven, we need ten. Well maybe there were people on the path who would want to be counted towards the minyan..to be the 8^th, 9^th, or tenth, to help me recite Kaddish for my mom. There aren’t many days left and I missed services today in order to connect with the earth and celebrate a friend’s birthday.

The card in my pocket felt warmer and warmer all day. During the birthday party the card really wanted to come out. The tears welled up. There was a distance between me and joy, the fun, the celebration. “would this be a good time to ask 9 others to join me in the other room to help my mom’s spirit ascend?” “How can I do this without being a distraction, a downer?” The urgency increased. The separateness increased. Then I went home, wishing I had gone to services that morning. The Kaddish words burning in my pocket.

My mom forgave me, knowing I was doing my best.

Comments

Bernice says

July 16, 2016 at 2:20 pm

You have the spirit of a remembrance card always in your back pocket…i cannot imagine you asking for forgiveness for anything you do in your life…..so chaya forgive yourself and make room for all the future humans you touch with your writings….benice

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Chaya’s Garden (my blog) contains many writings that would be of interest to chaplains, for their own sustenance as well as for those of their patients, families and staff that they serve. See them here.

—” ‘Go in peace, go in kindness, go in love, go in faith…’ Were these words calming or upsetting to her? I found them calming and the staff did, but I wasn’t sure if she did. She couldn’t tell me. I listened deeply to her face, her tears, my intuition. Because I wasn’t sure, I shifted. I sang only the sweet melody and then another and another…”

– Excerpt from “Showing Up” in Chaya’s Garden

Dear Chaya,
Your stewardship of the whole process of the funeral was so thoughtful, skillful and compassionate towards all of us involved, I felt held, lightly and completely in your wise hands. The way you crafted your life review of Laurel out of the material you elicited from us on was tremendous. Everything you said, all of your remarks, your explanation of the traditions, your transitions, were perfect. I have never been to a funeral as meaningful as this one and I think it was an overwhelmingly large part because of you. 
—Close friend

Rabbi Chaya brings warmth, curiosity, and a great passion for making Torah and prayer come alive in meaningful ways. I have been enlivened, supported and comforted by her presence, her guidance, and her ability to meet the moment and invite Spirit, or self-reflection, into the mix, at times of both joy and grief. I love her openness to receiving inspiration and guidance, herself, like when the perfect prayer-song reveals itself, providing just the right spiritual medicine for the moment... such a gift!

—Hazzan Shulamit Wise Fairman, Kehilla Community Synagogue

R. Chaya helps me intersect with Torah text in many different ways intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. She works with learners from whatever their starting point is with gentle guiding and creative prompts. She is open to all levels of discussion and interpretation of the text. R. Chaya has helped me to dig deeper and explore more which enriches the whole process and adds depth and breadth to the experience in a supported environment. I love to join a “Chaya study group” and study with her and other seekers who all bring enlivened perspectives.

"I cannot recommend Rabbi Chaya highly enough to those of us who go to the bedside at the end of life. As a hospice chaplain and in my role in hospice leadership, I have experienced Chaya to be uniquely gifted in her ability to draw us in and take us more deeply into the interior movements that activate our calling to this work. Never has self-awareness and self-care been more important in palliative and hospice care - Chaya’s work with us is both enlightening and sustaining. I would lovingly recommend her to the entire interdisciplinary team.”

- Michael Milward
CEO, California Hospice Network Strategic Advisor, National Partnership for Hospice and Healthcare Innovation

"Rabbi Chaya brings an engaging and interactive teaching style that promotes spiritual curiosity and reflection. Her knowledge and passion about Jewish rituals and contemplative spirituality shines through in her workshops and spiritual care. She brings extensive training and experience as an interfaith hospital chaplain, spiritual director, and ritual leader & community educator."

—Rev. Carrie Buckner
M.Div., BCC, ACPE Certified Educator. Director, Spiritual Care Services Kaiser Permanente Greater Southern Alameda Area (GSAA)

"Chaya brought together our team of social workers and chaplain for a writing exercise that supported us emotionally and spiritually. As hospice providers, we don’t always have time to pause and explore our own emotions that arise in this work. We learned about how to navigate and listen to whatever was internally brought forward and to reflect as a team on our collective experience. I would highly recommend that every team goes through this exercise."

- Meredith Sinel
LICSW and Chaplain, HopeHospice, Rhode Island

In 2021, I dove into the art form of alcohol inks and the surprises that come through the color, shapes and literal flow to inspire reflection and writing. Writing “prompts” are “portals” into the creative unconscious. Enjoy, write, write some more, and return to this spot whenever you want. I will continue to add the art that comes through.

I use these images with my groups and with those I work with one on one to help them deepen their spiritual lives. They work well because they are abstracts and there are no suggestive images. Sometimes I use them to “take their temperature”. At the beginning of a session I might ask what they see, or where they are in the image, or something as simple as what are they drawn to. At the end or even in the middle of a session I might ask the same question to see if it has changed, or “where would they like to be in the image.” This exploration has really been fruitful and gives people different ways to access their creative unconscious.

Chaya would love to hear your thoughts about her art. Share them here!

Chaya Gusfield is a gifted facilitator of the heart. My experience with the class Prayer as Medicine was profound. Although I was quite familiar with some of the prayers that we delved into the way in which they were shared and the group sharing helped me to go deeper into them. I took away a new way of looking at prayer and looking at how I can use them as medicine - not just words to say, but words to heal and connect me Source. Thank you Chaya for your deep facilitation and guidance.
- Shayndel K