Dear Ilene,
I am so moved by you reaching out. I know you have changed your name to Chaya, and that is so beautiful. It fits you well. But you will always be Ilene to your mother. That was the name she gave you when you arrived in the family, third child, unplanned, but welcomed. It was kind of like they knew there would be an unplanned one, so they planned for you, in a way. And so, you are Ilene to me. For now.
Here I am living with you in your city backyard garden after guarding your mother and father’s threshold for so many years. Irma’s Staghorn Fern, proud to be above the blue door to the home. (Kind of like a mezuzah.) I knew your mom in ways only those who guarded the home could. I knew those who came and went. I knew when your mother was depressed or hopeful. I witnessed a lot of sadness and celebration, struggle and release.
But that’s not the essence of what I want to share with you today.
Today I want you to know how much your mother Irma understood you more than you could let yourself feel. She thought about you, she admired you, and she hoped for you.
Some of her hopes were that whatever mistakes she made as a mom, especially while grieving the loss of your older sister, you could forgive. But even more importantly she really cared that you find healing from whatever harm you felt in your body and soul from any of the family choices that weren’t in your best interest at the time. Irma was an amazing woman. She just didn’t always intuit what you needed even if she thought about you with love. She didn’t always know what to do. She felt lost sometimes. I think you can understand that.
You call me Irma and shared your heart with me. Now is the time for me to share with you. Maybe now you are ready to hear your mother’s loving voice through the arms of my long leaves reaching out to you like fingers waiting to touch you…
Irma, Staghorn Fern
I love this so much. I still visit your Mom whenever I walk at Mt View.
This is so beautiful. Both Irma the glorious fern and your writing.
Chaya, this is a wonderful reframing—what a powerful place to get to in your life. ❤️❤️
Wow…. So moving…
Chaya,
This is such a beautiful duet (with the piece written to the Staghorn Fern, of course.)
I love the voice and the words that you have graced Irma with. I feel incredibly lucky to have known her for so many years, and I miss her. How I wish that her great-grandchildren could have known her.
Beautiful, Chaya 💐
So beautiful
Chaya, your art, whether it be your writing (or Irma’s to you) or your visual art is so beautiful, soulful, full of love and teaching. It speaks to things I am experiencing – feeling and awareness of my mother’s love and the ways she was able to see me in ways I couldn’t before, awareness of her courage, and my own realization that our children can’t always know and fully appreciate us, that it’s something develop as they grow. Your writing reminds me that there’s always room for more, for growth, peace and love. Thanks! Love, Barbara
Beautiful message from your multigenerational staghorn fern! Much grace and wisdom🙏
That is a beautiful way to look at past history and past hurts. Very healing to read.
Thanks
What a sweet, surprising morsel of love.
Oh Chaya, this is so beautiful. (You are Ilene to me, as well). You carry your mom’s heart and insight within your own. Love.
Love this.
This is so beautiful… and it helps me to tune into my mother’s voice, and what she might say if she could send a message into this world. Thanks for sharing it.