Grief Journals

Delicious food, conversation, gentle and strong rain, creativity, and promise. Torah, wisdom, guidance, prayer, and curiosity.  A sweet phone call from across the world.  Shabbat. Music. Tenderness. Rejoicing.

And with every day the touch of grief arrives from where it was hiding, or bursts forth with surprise. The suffering of so many are ever present.  The grief of the loss of hope eats into my dreams.

There is not one day without the whisper or crying out with grief in some form.

And Sometimes the grief feels Sweet.

My beloved and I lay in bed together, listening to James Tayler and his son Henry sing “You Can Close Your Eyes”.   I hadn’t looked up the lyrics or given it much thought, but I just knew we needed to listen to it together. Who knew it would become a portal to hold our sadness with precious tenderness?

Selected lyrics by James Taylor:

“So close your eyes
You can close your eyes, it’s alright
I don’t know no love songs
I can’t sing the blues anymore

Oh but I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I’m gone

It won’t be long before another day

We gonna have a good time
And no one’s gonna take that time away
You can stay as long as you like”

For a listen to James and Henry Taylor:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ymd2QqQiyqk

(apologies for any ads that come up. I don’t know how to prevent that from happening.)

We walked through the gates of tears together.

Those tears eased the road for us as we walked to Kaiser for her weekly chemo. Met by a beloved staff member who asked about “One Day” by Matisyahu.  We stopped and played it for her. Right there among all the business. We sang and danced, disturbed the infusion clinic for a moment, and then cried together.  For all the loss, all the suffering. And again the tears flowed.

Selected Lyrics by Matisyahu:

Sometimes in my tears I drown (I drown)
But I never let it get me down (get me down)
So when negativity surrounds (surrounds)
I know someday, it’ll all turn around because

All my life, I’ve been waitin’ for (waitin’ for)
I’ve been prayin’ for (prayin’ for), for the people to say
That we don’t wanna fight no more (fight no more)
There’ll be no more wars (no more wars), and our children will play

One day….

It’s not about win or lose
‘Cause we all lose when they feed on the souls of the innocent
Blood-drenched pavement
Keep on movin’ though the waters stay ragin’

For a listen to Matisyahu:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLvg3jJcO5I

(apologies for any ads that come up)

Again, taken by surprise, another portal to help the tears flow….

We returned home and I got ready to officiate a wedding to take place on our porch. Making even more room now for joy.  And the pouring rain stopped. The sun came out during the wedding. And then it poured again.

And there was rejoicing….

I know most of us carry grief. Every day.  What are you carrying?  What are your portals?

 

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