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Rabbi Chaya Gusfield

Rabbi Chaya Gusfield, Jewish Renewal, rabbi, spiritual director, chaplain

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Music/prayer

December 10, 2022
Filed Under: Chaplain Reflections, Grief Writings, Healing, Music/prayer, Prayer, Reflections on Love, Torah/Life Writings
2 Comments

The Crying Rabbi (Inspired by the Torah portion Vayetzei)

https://rabbichayagusfield.com/wp-content/uploads/the-crying-rabbi.mp3

 

This was a first. When I lead services or speak publicly, I have been known to tear up, have my voice crack, take a minute, and authentically show up to the moment, to the place. At this Friday night Shabbat service it was very different.

We were exploring the Torah where Jacob experienced a moment of awe directly from his dream vision.  In his dream he received blessings from God and saw angels going up and down from earth to heaven. There were words like “stairway”, “awe”, “God’s house” and “gateway to heaven” in just a few sentences.  The word, הַמָּקוֹם  HaMakom, which literally means The Place, and is also understood as a name for God, was found numerous times throughout the reading.

Jacob awakens with awe in his heart and says, “There was sacredness here and I didn’t even know it!” And then he says מַה-נּוֹרָא, הַמָּקוֹם הַזֶּה Ma nora hamakom hazeh, “How awesome is this place!” We wondered together why Jacob was given such a profound vision and blessings, and why we are called Israelites, as descendants of Jacob who later becomes Israel. I mean, he wasn’t such a great guy-stealing blessings from his brother Esau, lying to his father, running away from Esau who wanted to kill him, and more.

According to Rabbi Jonathan Saks, one possibility we are called Israelites is because at the time of his dream vision Jacob was alone, scared and away from home. He wasn’t in a good place. And yet, he awoke to the consciousness that God was present. He felt God accompanying him and offering him blessings.  Even in our worst days, even in the days of despair and hopelessness, we are invited to know we are never truly alone.  This is what we learned from Jacob’s experience, and why we are his descendants. Maybe, this is what it means to be a Jew.

This Shabbat was unique. We could feel the impact of Jacob’s dream in the room.  We experienced the sense that we are never alone. That’s what it means to be a Jew, an Israelite.  I could have cried, but I didn’t. Not yet.

The heart was open. The love in the room was strong.  The community was feeling it. And we sang, “MA NORA HAMAKOM HAZEH”, How awesome is THIS place!  If we could have, we would have sang and danced for 10 minutes.  But we had healing blessings to offer and people to remember who had died.

I sent healing to a young child I knew recovering from serious surgery. We sent love to friends we knew with COVID, ALS, Parkinsons, a broken rib, dementia, extensive dental work, etc.  And we remembered our loved ones who had died.

During this time I was surprised to learn about the death of a beloved teacher I hadn’t seen in 40 years.*  While holding space for others, the tears unexpectantly began to flow and flow and flow.  The gates opened to memory and grief.  The tears sang their songs of love and transformation. There was no stopping them. The heart remembered a 25-year-old learning and growing, passionate and creative, finding her way, guided by this teacher. Now he is in a new Place, finding his way.

I hadn’t known how much he had meant to me. I certainly would not have expected such a strong response to this news while I was leading a congregation. Normally I would have been able to stay focused and save my bigger tears for another time.  But, like Jacob’s encounter, I was surprised to be swimming with the Sacred. This time, with Sacred Memory.

Even though it was awkward to have such big public emotion while leading a service, the surprise was in fact a blessing, held by a Sacredness beyond time and beyond words.  The congregation was so supportive. I came to feel, very personally, “How Awesome is this Place!”

מַה-נּוֹרָא, הַמָּקוֹם הַזֶּה

*Peter Gabel, Zichrono livracha, may his memory be a blessing.

 

September 29, 2022
Filed Under: Healing, Music/prayer, Prayer, Torah/Life Writings
3 Comments

Rosh Hashanah Day Two Teaching 5783, Kehilla, hybrid service

Reb Zalman Schachter Shalomi, of blessed memory, used to ask us rabbinical students and rabbis how we were being deployed.

The underlying concept was that there was a someone deploying us to a somewhere. Our job was to listen to that still small voice and not ignore it. Was it Congregational work? Spiritual direction? Jewish education? Chaplaincy? Being a talmud chacham/scholar, or devoting ourselves to tikkun olam, as an activist.

The prophet Isaiah says, Hineini, shelachayni.  Here I am, send me!  This is a similar idea.  There is a someone sending us to a somewhere.

Many of us have a deep connection to our own Judaism or other spiritual medicine. However, Reb Zalman’s concept of a someone sending us to a somewhere might be quite alien.  And yet, the prayers we recite, and sing, and inhale are asking us to turn towards Ata, or At, meaning You. Baruch ata, At brucha, Blessed are You. You are Blessed.

Kehilla’s theme this year is mutuality and reciprocity. It might be wise for us to explore the YOU we are invited to be in relationship with.  As R. Marcia Prager says, we call out to the Oneness where there is a potential for intimacy. Or better, all relationships have the potential for us to experience the Oneness within them. The great Jewish philosopher Martin Buber teaches about the I and Thou relationship.  We call out to God as You because we experience an awareness reflected back to us from the world, when we are willing to enter into relationship with it.  You is personal, and in the language of relationship.

The truth? I have no clue what or who the You is, but I do think bringing the concept of relationship into our inner spiritual life can be transformative, expansive, and dare I say even delicious?

Until this year the closest way I experienced the You was through the concept of God we find in the Kaddish: Shmei Rabba.  Shmei Rabba means the great name.  As Rabbi Arthur Waskow says, Shmei rabba is the name of all creation: every color, sound, frog, blade of grass, cloud. Every animal, every insect, ever sea creature. The all of existence.  Mitziut.

Being in a mutual relationship with Existence, past, present, and future. That’s the You I want to show up for.  That’s what I mean when I say Hineni, here I am. I am yearning to show up for You.  All of existence. Or as Barbara Petterson taught, the thread that connects us all.

And then there was 2021.  The year I questioned everything and felt spiritually lost. I dove deeply into my experience of a rabbinic ancestor from whose lineage I was ordained. 18th century  R. Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev.  He was a Chassidic rebbe from Ukraine who lived at the time of the third generation of Chassidic rebbes.  He loved our people and he loved prayer.  But he didn’t just love God.  He was in a very intimate relationship with the You he prayed to. So much so that his prayers included great arguments with God during prayer services, during davvenen.  He defended us, cried out for help, and fiercely scolded God.  It was said that the people who davened with him often had to wait for some time while he engaged in great arguments with God out loud before the prayer service could continue.

Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, the Berditchever, was also very human and suffered greatly because he was thrown out of many towns for his radical ideas. It was reported he was seriously depressed and nonfunctional for a year of his life.  He eventually recovered and became the rabbi for the town of Berditchev for more than 25 years.  It was partly his struggle that drew me to him, as I also was struggling.

His niggun spoke some of his story, both his grief and his resilience. His despair and his recovery.   I wonder if you can hear it?

(Sing niggun in different ways (slow, somber, deep and uplifting)

This niggun became the path to regain my own spiritual strength.  How he came through his period of depression, I do not know, but knowing how engaged he was with God, I imagine it was a result of this relationship that helped him recover. In his commentary on the Torah portion Shmot from the book of Exodus, the Berditchever taught about a time when we cried out to God to save us because of our suffering in Mitzrayim (known as Egypt). Our cries were only for ourselves.  He commented that God acknowledged how our minds and bodies were in an oppressed state at the time, so we could only cry out for ourselves.  However, God heard our cries, but also heard what was underneath them. God heard our larger yearning for the healing of all of humanity.

Maybe during the Berditchever’s year of depression, he felt heard by the God he was in relationship with. So much so, his prayers for only his suffering were eventually expanded into prayers for a greater healing of humanity. This may have put him in relationship with something bigger than himself. Having this feeling of connecting to something larger may have helped Levi Yitzchak out of his pit.

Also, his unique and special connection with God was demonstrated in one of the famous songs he wrote in Yiddish, called Adudele, meaning for You. Du means You in Yiddish.  He sings: Ribbono Shel Olam (The Great Oneness of the world) let me sing you a You song.  where can I find you, where can I not find you? You, You, You…The song demonstrates his feeling of being completely surrounded by and connected to God at all times and in all places.  Especially from the six directions.  The words in the song also resonate strongly with the ritual of shaking the lulav and etrog during Sukkot.  We shake the 4 species: the palm branch joins with three other species and we connect with the energy of the 4 directions, and the heavens and the earth.

There are many stories about Levi Yitzchak’s total devotion to Sukkot, including begging the angel of death to let him live through one more Sukkot. Which he did.  Maybe during his year of depression, he was also able to draw on his love of Sukkot to help him recover.

As I sing Adudele in English, allow yourself to experience the You meant just for you…(notice the faces around you, in your mind or heart, or on the screen. Can you experience the You? Or go internal and see what arises. And as is in Kehilla’s tradition, let your imagination, your body, your heart move, and dance, or stay quiet).

Ribbono Shel Olam  4x

Ribbono Shel Olam, I will sing you a YOU song

You x 4

Where will I find You?

Where will I NOT find You?

Where can I find You?

Where can I NOT find You?

You x 4

Wherever I go, You

And wherever I stay, You

Just You

Only You

Again You

Nothing but You

You x4

When something’s good, You

When God forbid it’s bad, Ah You

Ay, You x 5

East, You

West, You

South, You

North, You

You x 9

In Heaven, You

On Earth, You,

Above, You

Below, You

You x 9

You…..

Where I turn

Where I go

Voh ich kerh mich

Voh ich vend mich, du du

You, You

I don’t know anything about God or if God exists.  I don’t know whether the You is all of existence like how Rabbi Arthur Waskow describes it,

the Mystery,

the Shechinah,

the King,

Creation itself,

the Master or teacher of the world,

the Thread that connects us all,

or Hamakom, the place where everything dwells.

It isn’t important to me.  What is important is, here I am, in relationship. With You. And You and you and you

Here I am, send me…Hineini, shelachayni.  What You do you yearn for this season?

And let us say, Amen.

 

(To read more about my encounter with the Berditchever and hear his music click here.)

For the youtube of the service click here.  This teaching at minute 56.  (you may need to rewind to minute 56.)

September 11, 2022
Filed Under: Healing, Music/prayer, Prayer
1 Comment

Dare I say even delicious?

Rosh Hashanah has always been a time of deep reflection for me.  I often struggle with some of the tough issues of the year until they surprise me as they become food for nourishment.  This year for Rosh Hashanah I am exploring (or facing) the YOU (ata, at) we find in our Jewish prayers.  (“Blessed are You…..”)

The truth? I have no clue what or who the You is, but I do feel bringing the concept of relationship and intimacy into our inner spiritual life to be transformative, expansive, and dare I say even delicious?

If you are interested in hearing some of my contemplations and heart on this and other juicy thoughts, please consider joining me and Jen Myzel (Musician/Educator) for Kehilla’s second day morning, reflective, Rosh Hashanah services in person or online.  Oh, and Jen has some beautiful new music she will be sharing with everyone that touch the heart, so perfect for the New Year.

Fellow travelers, if you have little or a lot of experience with Jewish tradition, you are welcome to sink into a reflective and meaningful space.  And as usual, shofar blowing will happen! I can’t wait.

I wish you an early Shana Tova!  Much love to you and yours…

For more information, COVID protocals, and to get tickets, go to Kehilla’s website. http://kehillasynagogue.org/

January 22, 2022
Filed Under: Healing, Music/prayer, Prayer, Spiritual Direction, Torah/Life Writings
5 Comments

Returning for a Second Helping (Encountering the Berditchever for the second time)

There are two kinds of eaters.  Those that stop after one serving because they might think it is excessive, greedy, or rude.  And those that go for a second helping.  That’s me. I go for a second helping.   I love the taste of the different flavors on the plate, the discernment of what smells good, how it feels in the mouth, how I feel nourished, and what I want more of.  I anticipate the journey of the return for a second helping. What will I take more of, what will I skip?  An eagerness has joined the moment of the return.  Experiencing the meal once again, in a new way contains a certain excitement and even depth.

I recently discovered that’s true for my rabbinate, too.  Sixteen years ago I was honored to have family and beloved rabbinic mentor, Rabbi Lavey Derby, fly to Colorado in the middle of winter to participate in my ordination. As witnesses, as qvellers, as support, and in Lavey’s case, as part of the ordination (smicha) ritual.

The journey wasn’t easy for them: there was the ear ache, the aging, the beginning stages of my mother’s dementia.  There was the cold and the snow. And there was my families’ curiosity.  All were proud Jews, but all this religious experience was a bit foreign for them. With each struggle, they all still came.  I knew my drash (short sermon) bringing Torah to the difficulties of my sister’s death during my youth, would bring heartache to my family. At the same time, I knew it was the right teaching for the moment, for me, for my community, and ultimately my family. The anticipation was palpable.  I felt clammy, nervous, jittery, excited.

Before the powerful ordination ceremony Lavey took me aside privately to share a few words.  With words of blessing he passed onto me the spiritual lineage of the chassidic rabbi, Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, lovingly referred to as the Berditchever.  Lavey is his direct descendant. I was honored to receive this extraordinary blessing.  I had studied about him in rabbinical school.  I knew he lived in the 18th century and was one of the early Chassidic Masters. He was a student of the Maggid of Mezeritch and a friend of Rebbe Nahman of Bratzlav. I knew he had been run out of several towns by the mitnagdim, those who opposed the movement of the chassidim.  When he landed in the town of Berditchev in the Ukraine he was well received and served his people for over 25 years as their rabbi. I knew he was thought of as very kind and compassionate, always giving the benefit of the doubt to his fellow Jew.  He was the Great Advocate and Defender for the Jewish people before God.

Although I had learned about Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev and I had studied his Torah on the parshah (Torah portion) and holy days written in his book Kedushat Levi, I had not connected with his legacy or allowed it to influence my life. Receiving his legacy at smicha remained a dormant mystery to me for many years.. Yet, the seeds had been planted.  I had tasted my first serving of Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev.

In the Fall of 2021, in the heart of the coronavirus pandemic and political turmoil of our country, I found myself spiritually bankrupt.  At our second zoom High Holy Days, I couldn’t feel anything.  No matter how great the davvenen (prayer) was, the sermons, or the Torah, I felt empty and unmoved. Even when I was leading.  (I felt like Diana Morales in the Chorus Line who when asked by her theater teacher, “”Okay, Morales, what did you feel?” She responded, “Nothing, I’m feeling nothing”.)

Through a chance encounter, I heard a colleague share that Reb Zalman, z”l, had asked all of his students to immerse in one chassidic master as part of our training.  I had forgotten that direction and realized I had yet to complete this task.  In the midst of my spiritual crisis, I made a decision.  I could languish in my spiritual bankruptcy, or I could go back to the Berditchever for a second helping and try to understand his role in my life and my rabbinate.

I went back to the moment when R. Lavey Derby conferred the spiritual lineage of the Berditchever on me.  I started asking questions.  What did this mean?  What is my responsibility now?  I was driven to understand why I had received this blessing 16 years ago. To understand the concept of spiritual lineage I made lists of my ancestors, my mentors, my teachers, my spiritual influencers, my family. Through this early part of my immersion with this inquiry, I found some healing and reconnection with parts of my own family.  I also started to value, honor, and learn more about the indigenous ancestors of the land we live on.  And, the people of Torah felt closer than ever.  My house started to feel crowded with the number of ancestors who influenced my life.  I started to feel more alive and less alone.  By connecting with so many ancestors, I felt as if I was a Time Traveler.

I didn’t have any quick answers to my inquiry about the role of the Berditchever in my spiritual life, but I committed to learning his Torah again and keeping the inquiry fresh. I studied weekly with a partner (thank you Sue!) everything I could about the Berditchever.  His life, his death, the tales/legends about him and of course the Torah he wrote in his book Kedushat Levi.  I was surprised at how much I had learned before, evidenced by the notes in the margins of my books, and the files I found in my computer.  Yet, I barely remembered anything from that time.

Once I started this second helping with a new focus, it was his life story that initially impacted me, especially his hardships and resiliency.  Because he had been opposed so many times, he had a mental breakdown that lasted a year.  He also may not have had domestic bliss. The only story I could find about his wife, Perel, was that she sued him for lack of financial support.  And yet he started again, recovered and became the Berditchever.

I began to get excited when I learned about his almost ecstatic love for Sukkot, our holiday that comes four days after Yom Kippur and lasts a week.  Some say Sukkot was the original High Holy Day that Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were preparing us for. Rosh Hashanah with announcing it with the Shofar blowing, and Yom Kippur with our rituals of atonement.  During Sukkot we are invited to live in fragile huts (called a Sukkah), to invite in our ancestors and friends, and to shake the lulav and etrog.  The lulav is a date palm joined by myrtle, willow and an etrog. We shake it to the East, South, West, North, up, down, and then bring the lulav and etrog to the heart.

The Berditchever would always move into the Sukkah as soon as he could and it was said he bought the first most beautiful etrog he could fine. There is even a story that one time when he was run out of town, he left with only his etrog and lulav in hand!

If you look at the famous Yiddish prayer/song he wrote, A Dudele, it speaks directly to God who is found everywhere, in every direction, plus heaven and earth.  I never heard anything about the song being connected to the lulav and etrog, but given his love of Sukkot, it feels as if he wrote this prayer while shaking the lulav and etrog.  This connection inspired me to plan to put a photo of him up in my Sukkah next year as one of my ancestors and to learn A Dudele in Yiddish.  Shaking the lulav and etrog has always felt as an invitation to feel the unification of life all around, and to feel God/Shechinah everywhere we turn.  It will now include my connection with Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev.

https://rabbichayagusfield.com/wp-content/uploads/English-Dudele.m4a

A Dudele, English version, translation by Rabbi Zalman Schachter Shalomi, z”l

sung by Hazzan Abbe Lyons, http://abbelyons.com

Listen to Hazzan Richard Kaplan, z”l, singing the Yiddish

I was also deeply impressed with how the Berditchever approached his death. During the end of Yom Kippur, at the time of the Ne’ilah prayers, he saw the Angel of Death standing before him. He was told he was going to die.  He was so sad to miss another opportunity to fulfill the mitzvot (sacred obligations) of the Sukkah and the Etrog, so he pleaded for more time.  He said his last viddui prayer (either for Yom Kippur or for his end of life, or both) and the Angel of Death disappeared.  He was granted the extra time he had pleaded for in order to have his last Sukkot. On Simchat Torah, which comes at the end of Sukkot, he danced and sang with abandon, and was called to the Torah as Hatan Torah, the Bridegroom of the Torah. He died the next day.  His connection with Sukkot once again touched my heart.

I loved his passion in prayer, and with his very personal relationship with God.  Not only was he seen praying from one end of a room to the other with fervor, but he was a man who would freely argue with God!   I was slowly opening and connecting to him, but still not connecting with his written Torah.  It didn’t seem to match who he was.

I woke up one morning and realized there must be a Berditchever niggun (melody).  Many chassidic rebbes had passed down a niggun. I found his sweet and deep melody without words attributed to him.  Learning this niggun was the portal I needed in order to open my heart to his Torah.

The Torah we had been studying from Kedushat Levi started to touch me deeply. His teaching on parshat Shemot clinched it.  Commenting on the sentence where the Israelites cried out to God for help because of the oppression of the Egyptian taskmasters,  (Exodus 3:7-9), the Berditchever teaches that God not only helps us deal with what we are crying out about, but understands that in moments of oppression, we can only cry out for ourselves because of our suffering. Yet, God hears our cries as a cry for more than help from our taskmasters, but also as a yearning/longing to feel close to God.  God is the ultimate spiritual director/chaplain/deep listener here, listening for what is the immediate pain we feel, but also for what is underneath our pain.  Our longing.

I couldn’t stop singing the niggun and I often cried as I sang it through many times.  I knew I was on the right path. Chanting the niggun was an invitation to listen to what gifts were being offered directly from him. When I sang, I would ask him what he was saying to me.  I finally made a soul connection with him and his Torah. He was saying many things:  “yes, come close”, “from sadness arises joy”, “keep seeking and traveling”, “you are not alone with your grief”.

There had always been niggunim I loved, sang, and had brought me and others to deep places.  However, I approached his melody not just as a melody, but as a connection to him.  The niggun also opened a hunger to learn more niggunim from chassidic masters in order to hear their Torah woven within them.

In the process of returning to the Berditchever for a second helping, I found his niggun, a new study partner, and a doorway to once again feel the spiritual life I had that had been buried. I don’t have more words to explain how.  I just keep listening as his Torah speaks my name.

Is there something in your life worth returning to or taking a second helping?

I bless you to hear it when it speaks your name.


The Berditchever niggun:

https://rabbichayagusfield.com/wp-content/uploads/lyb-niggun-jan-22.mp3

January 15, 2022
Filed Under: Healing, Music/prayer, Uncategorized
1 Comment

Everything is Music

Stop the words
Everything is music.*
The moaning at night as we age, vibrating through the body.
The humming in the shower accompanying the flow of water.
The rustling of the sprouting kale seeds and blossoms of peas.
Listen to the melodies of life bursting forth. The pencil on paper.
The rumbling of the dishwasher singing out in rhythm.
Let the music of the crunch of toast fly.
*Words from a Rumi poem.

November 12, 2021
Filed Under: Healing, Music/prayer, Prayer, Writing/art prompts and art
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Prayer as Medicine

One of my favorite things to teach is ways to approach Jewish prayer so that it opens a place in your heart that is deeply personal.  The recipe I use is approaching prayer as medicine, unlocking it’s healing remedies through learning, singing, creative writing, sharing, and listening in a small group. We write about how we connect to the prayer and our classmates listen for the words that jump out and touch us. Participants have shared that after this class, prayers they thought they knew were awakened more deeply for them.  And the new prayers landed in their hearts.

Please consider joining me or telling a friend about my upcoming class of Prayer as Medicine, four Thursdays at 5 p.m. PST, starting December 2 and ending Jan. 13 (ever other week).  Limited to 8 participants, cost is $144.  Send me a note if interested. https://rabbichayagusfield.com/contact/

New art endeavors.  I end this post with a few new pieces of art I have made. If you like my art, let me know if you would like some cards made with your favorite piece. I’d be happy to order you some for a small donation to cover costs.  Check out Chaya’s Gallery https://rabbichayagusfield.com/home/chayasgallery/ to see your choices!  They aren’t titled, so take a photo and send it to me.  I’ll make you some cards….

Much love,  Chaya

October 12, 2020
Filed Under: Healing, Music/prayer, Prayer, Torah/Life Writings
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New Class starting in December: Jewish Liturgy (prayer) As Medicine, Unpacking prayer through study, writing, and sharing in a small group

Starts in December, every other week

Five two hour sessions with R. Chaya Gusfield on Zoom

Pick which time slot works for you.  Each time slot will be limited to 6 people.

Join either the Monday OR Tuesday group.

Monday evenings at 6:30 p.m.  PST

Or

Tuesday mornings at 9:30 a.m. PST

$180 for five sessions paid by Venmo or check

If interested, contact Chaya at cgusfield@gmail.com or 925-212-7943.

See: chayasgarden.wordpress.com for more information on Rabbi Chaya Gusfield as spiritual director, teacher, and writer

Once registered I will ask you for your 2 favorite prayers or prayers you would like to unpack more deeply, and the class will be designed with some of those in mind if possible.

Dates for Monday evenings: Dec. 7 Dec. 21, Jan. 4, Jan. 18, Feb. 1

Dates for Tuesday mornings: Dec. 1, Dec. 15, Dec. 29, January 5, (skipping Jan. 12 and 19th), Jan. 26

June 5, 2020
Filed Under: Healing, Music/prayer, Prayer
2 Comments

You are Invited to a Special Healing Service-Thursday June 18, 4 p.m. PST

Friends, Buddhist Teacher Eve Decker and I will be offering a two hour Healing Service online. People have experienced this service as a time to receive, reflect and rejuvenate.

Using Jewish and Buddhist approaches, we will offer meditation, music, writing opportunities and teachings to support well-being during these uncertain courageous, and heartbreaking times. 

Eve and I have been offering services and workshops combining Jewish and Buddhist approaches for over 10 years and our work touches people in a unique way.  Please join us.

TICKETS & INFORMATION: Please RSVP to cgusfield@gmail.com by June 12.  You will get instructions for how to pay the requested $18 and instructions for attending.

No one is turned away for lack of funds. This offering was originally to be located at Kehilla Community Synagogue where we are both associated.

Please share this offering with people you think would resonate with it.

 

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